The Culprits

Sometimes I look at pictures of homes in magazines and comfort myself by thinking that no one actually lives in those rooms. Who, really, has white couches or shag carpets or $200 (breakable) umbrella stands next to the front door? Certainly no one with children or large animals in the house.

That said, I'm afraid it's going to sound, as I write, like my house is a cesspool of dust mites that guests should enter at their own risk. It's not that bad, really; it's just not as GOOD as I want it to be, and that's due in large part to our home's inhabitants, most of whom do all they can to make the house look "lived in" (a euphemism for dingy).

My Love

My husband and I have been married for nearly six years, and we dated for six years before that...so I definitely knew what I was getting myself into when I married a recovering slob. (I cried when he took me to his bachelor pad after the honeymoon.) Our deal is that he can keep his half of our bedroom however he wants, as long as the rest of the house is presentable. That said, he is completely in charge of outdoor lawn maintenance and cleaning. He is also amazingly versatile and selfless, vacuuming or doing dishes for me when I'm busy, stressed, or 40 weeks pregnant. However, he also consistently assures me that the house is more than clean enough for his preferences.

Mini-me

My oldest daughter is nearly five, and, to hear anyone from my extended family talk, she is exactly like I was at her age. Specifically, she likes to climb high things and then jump off, run barefoot through the mud, pick up slugs, and spin wildly in circles in the living room. She has a tom-boy-ish tendency toward enjoying a little mud in her life, but she is starting to enjoy helping me clean house; she can also be counted on to clean up her own messes (with some prodding).

Cuddles

My second daughter is two, and as different from the first as is possible within one family. Where Mini-me is independent, Cuddles is clingy; where Mini-me is energetic, Cuddles is mellow. She's learning to feed herself, which means that her booster seat has a constant parade of dried yogurt, graham cracker crumbs, and spilled apple juice underneath it. She's also notorious for pulling out everything in the toy box in search of a favorite teddy bear.

Baby Boy

Luckily for me, I have one child who's not mobile. This happy guy spends the bulk of his time playing in an infant bouncer or rolling back and forth on a play mat. However, he has a propensity toward enormous quantities of spit-up, so most feedings are followed by a quick cleaning of the floor.

The Beast

We own what our vet calls "the smallest Great Dane [he's] ever seen." Weighing in at just over 100 pounds, this gentle giant loves laying in the sun and napping in the hallway next to the kids' rooms. However, though she has short hair, she does shed. On rainy days she leaves streaks of mud from the back yard on our well-worn carpet. Also, she has an absolutely crazy tendency: she takes mouthfuls of food from her bowl, lays down in the middle of the living room, and eats the food, leaving crumbs in her wake that pretty much always make the living room look dirty.

So, there you have it...with a family of five, three young children, and a big dog, I'm going to assume that the bulk of the clutter and dust in our house is normal. Normal, but not necessarily inevitable; I'm off to conquer it! (Cue inspirational music.)